Sometimes YOU can be your own worst enemy….You know what I mean, that nasty mean girl that seems to live inside us all. Beating down your self belief or exaggerating your self doubt.
Every day we can find ourselves questioning, almost arguing with her. Whether it’s about how you look in the mirror, your ability to parallel park, whether to speak up in a meeting or should you go for that promotion.
You can come up with a million excuses or reasons why not to do things, but actually it all boils down to us getting in our own way.
YOU can do, achieve, behave or feel any way YOU want to. So what’s stopping YOU?
(Please fill in the gap using the options below)
What’s holding me back is _____________.
This is one of the most common obstacles you can encounter. The ‘OMG what if….’ moment. What if I make a fool of myself, what if it goes wrong, what if nobody likes me, what if I fail (I could go on and on).
Fear is inevitable and natural. From a physical level, it’s how our brains keep us alive and out of trouble – ‘Don’t jump off that building – you’ll die’. But it also stays there to judge and give you perspective on a daily basis too.
And that’s what you need to embrace and realise. Just because we fear something in our life it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. It’s just giving us an opinion not reality.
We tend to feel fear the most when we’re going to do something new, or push and challenge ourselves to achieve something we’ll later celebrate.
So instead of getting absorbed in the negativity, why not try fighting back with enthusiasm. Catch the fear and turn it into a positive.
If we embrace fear and no longer see it as something bad but a sign we’re going to achieve something great, it will no longer hold you back.
Your attitude is a choice – whether you like it or not. When everything seems to be going wrong you have the option of taking two paths:
Path A) get frustrated, get into a mood, cry or get angry at the world shouting ‘why does this always happen to me?’.
Path B) laugh and smile about it. Be grateful and recognise the things that have gone right today (like the fact you are alive) and move on.
It’s all too easy to take Path A… trust me I know. But we’ve all experienced what happens if we do. Things always seem to get worse.
Whereas with Path B, yes it can be harder at first to not lose your head but if we purposely look on the bright side it can stop our day unraveling and us pulling out our hair. Plus, it’s good to feel positive, happy and laugh right!? So why pick the miserable option when you can choose to feel good.
Practice makes perfect with this. So as soon as you feel a negative thought or feeling brewing… even if it’s about that person who pushes in front of you getting onto the train. Remind yourself that YOU want to feel happy, bright and positive… and laugh that clearly they’re having a bad day!
4. JEALOUSY & RESENTMENT
We’ve all encountered those people who just seem to be so damn perfect, and life is just a breeze for them. But the reality is often very different to what you see on your instagram feed or in person. Behind closed doors everyone has their own problems, struggles and strains they have to deal with.
It’s so easy to forget this. We get caught up and believe only what we see. But what we don’t realise is that we only waste our own energy and time getting worked up over this, when we could be focusing on ourselves. What we perceive to be real is often not.
One of my favourite stories around this was a famous Instagram model. One of those who lives the million dollar lifestyle and has a body you would die for. What you don’t see in the pictures is that they actually are miserable. Before every photo they force themselves to be sick to look thin. And they are never home because they are avoiding the credit card bills and bailiffs that are constantly knocking at the door.
The best way to deal with this is to remind yourself that no one is perfect. That you only see what you choose to see. And, as soon as you start comparing yourself to someone else or wishing you could be like them, recognise it and laugh. Because you could be wishing for something you really don’t want.
So this one isn’t 100% your fault, but you do have a part to play. Sometimes we can be held back by our environment (e.g. the people we’re around; the place we work; where we live). Now, this can easily create a valid excuse for not doing or achieving what you want to. But we do have the power to change anything.
If where we work is dragging us down – you can get a new job.
If people you are surrounded by – whether it’s friends, family or acquaintances – drag you down, you can choose to see them less or not at all.
If where you live creates some sort of stress or barrier – you can move somewhere else.
Yes, these may all seem like flippant remarks. But the fact is YOU can change whatever YOU want to, and it’s again very easy to forget that.
Now, I would love to hear how you get in your own way? Tell us in the comments below and let’s work out how you can be set free.
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